OK, I give in. No longer is this blog a Christmas-free zone.
Now it strikes me that the thing to do at this time of year is to write a Christmas newsletter. Gail never does, saying she "disapproves of the concept", but I have decided to take on the responsibility myself of telling folk what I've been up to in 2009.
First off, I have to admit that as I'm new to this game I consulted examples of newsletters which Gail has received in the past, to get a feel for what is expected. I learnt that a Christmas newsletter contains certain essential elements, and for this first attempt I have decided to conform to the standard format.
First off, one has to list all one's major achievements - exams, promotions, sporting trophies etc. etc.
Er.... Help! Gail! Did I actually achieve anything this year?
A long silence follows.
Well I was nominated for a few 'Dogs with Blogs' awards for this blog, but was not allowed to accept them on account of "already being big-headed enough". Does that count?
And I did gain a mention in the 'acknowledgments' section of a certain PhD thesis. Look...
Secondly, one is expected to create the impression of a busy, successful, purposeful and exciting life, dividing one's time between high powered employment and glamorous holidays to exotic locations.
Look, this is really difficult. Basically, my life consists of eating, sleeping on the sofa, being cuddled, and rousing myself twice daily for walks where more time is spent sniffing trees and lampposts than in forward motion. Usually all this takes place at home in Aberdeen, but sometimes I perform the same routine in our cottage on Loch Torridon and sometimes at Gail's parents in Nottingham. Purposeful enough?
Thirdly, details of medical problems on a 'more information than strictly necessary' basis are required.
Och this one's easy! Have I already told you about my itchy bottom? It gets really really itchy. So I lick it quite a lot, or sit down and scoot across the carpet to relieve the itchiness. Other areas itch too. Often it's my front paws, sometimes my groin area. Actually I rather enjoy having special anti-itch cream rubbed into my groin, what male dog wouldn't.....
There is usually a section on domestic disasters, related in a way that makes them more amusing than they seemed at the time.
Well let me think here.
Oh. It is being suggested that I am the domestic disaster. That is SO NOT FUNNY, Gail. Let's move on.
Finally, social highlights (invitations to garden parties at the Palace, trips to Glyndebourne, that sort of thing) must be noted.
Well to be honest, these days I really can't be bothered. And at the prospect of company I tend to retreat upstairs and jump up (with the help of a step) onto Gail's bed and remain there until the visitors have departed. That's just how it is when you're fourteen I'm afraid.
Well I think that's about it for my year. I hope you all had an equally successful and exciting one.....
